Across the bed I felt – warmth? The cat. Stretching and coming over. Rubbing her whiskers on mine. Yes, come under the covers. Mmm, curled around you, little fuzz of warmth. A small thaw inside me.
Need to get up. It's been too long. Need to get up.
Oops, sorry kitty. I need to stretch, move, get the blood circulating, to my brain, to my eyes. Ungh, stretch, stretch, curve, stretch, curve to other way.
Uhhh.
What time – ?
Up, up. Move, move.
Ok, just sit up, swing legs.
Sit.
Sit.
Sigh – big sigh – sit.
Hm, dry mouth, pasty.
Ungh, my knees are stiff, legs weak. Careful in the bathroom.
Oh, look at me.
Didn't even notice the glass, this glass, this –
I – I can't look at myself. I –
Oh.
Breathe.
Deep breath.
Deep. Breath.
I – No, I can't. I –
Deep Sigh.
Deep. Shuddering, soul cleansing, shudder and sigh and tears. Crap. Tears again and – I can’t stop shaking, sobbing.
Can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Gasping between shuddering, wracking, sobs.
Better now.
Feels good.
Marching on. On my own. My own life now, the arrow continuing, but new configuration, new parameters, new future.
– 17feb10
